Currently Reading Dungeons & Dragons For Dummies By Bill Slavicsek, Rich Baker see related

'ello ello all!

Life's been pretty icky in the last 2 days.  So I gotta change my job idea once again, Mia, Sora Ill tell you why if you come talk to me^^.  Mia, hun, Im so sorry, Ive been dying to talk to you and my school and life keeps getting in my way.  It sucks because I always talk to you when I need to, just thinking about it, I never really had to wait to unburnen myself. I also gotta talk to you about more personal matters! ^^ohhh naughty naughty! *laugh* 

 But by the time you read this Ill have called you and chatted with you anyway, watch.  Its just how we are.

Um lets see.  I think im comming home for Easter, I gotta call my mommy (Congrats your mommy again for me Mia^^) and ask, I hope I am.  I wanted to have my bday party on that Saturday. So Im hoping Sora nd Mia are going to be free enough to come. I wanted to teach them how to play D&D too, which I think is going to be fun.  In fact Im planning on writing some notes up for them so it would be a lot like a reference sheet.  How to find out whats your to hit roll, your damage, will saves, etc.  This way all they have to do is scan the sheet and look it up.  Makes the games flow a little smother you know?  Although they know that if they need an opinion or help, Im there, and so are 3 other more experienced players.  ^^*I got you girls* 

  Jiro, though I love him, has yet to find the tactition in himself, so he might not be the best to ask you guys.  Though hes an okay rule guy, its best to ask Scott. 

What else? Um my lesiban charc died. Sadly.  im going to be using her as a exp charc when I teach Sora and Mia, so Im going to laugh having 2 other females in with her.  Lynni is nuts (short for Lynet).  We'll have fun, and I hope they will enjoy the experience! Im so excited that their comming! No parental supervision is lots of fun, and there is a wal mart in walking distance so we can buy cheescake! Just like the old days ne? Cept we dont have to be quiet hehe

Now I gotta go now, ecause like Sora, I want to write my heart out! Love you all!

Currently Reading Antique Bakery, Vol. 1 By Fumi Yoshinaga see related

Its that time again...

Friends fighting and so much hw that I cry.  So, Im going to not deal with the friend thing in a personal point of view (why? Because either way Im going to get my ass kicked.  Nothing personal you guys okay?) , nor am I going to talk about the Meld, why? Because Im a bit upset at that too.  And if anyone cares enough, go ahead and IM me why.  Mia, you kinda already know why so dont worry yourself.  Because there are so miscommunications that happen on this Xanga thing.  So Im going to talk about our D&D things at the moment. 

So, Jiro's charac, in Scott's game turned into a women due to a cursed item.  Sadly the chance that the person who identifed it failed the chance to see the cursed part.  So, he gendered changed.  Not only that, but what'/s so great about it, is Lynet,  (My Devish/fighter charac), is a lesbian.  Why? Because I can! It was kinda a revolt against the huge up in hentai yaoi charac's that apparered on the Meld.  But put that aside.  Anyway.  So I get my kicks flirting with 'Heather', now.  Its awsome! We're acutally on a way to beat up a bunch of people who took over an area close to my charac's home. 

And in Kates game, I met with this cute blonde blue eyed cutie who is arragent nd the whole Shinji thing^^.  He fell in love quite quickly, (Thank Goddess for a high Charisma), so we flirted at each other to the dislike of Jiro's Charac.  ^^ they acutally had a fight outside a bar with each other. No clue why other than Jiro just doesnt like him for his womanizing ways, or maybe jealously! Dont know why, its Kate who rp's him.  If I find 20 bucks shell make me a poster of him so everyone can see em!

Alright, now to my non personalized view of friendship.  Here's where my philosphy will get to work.  So everyone please, read it, digest it, its not ment for one person, least I hope not.  I am not ranting! REPEAT NOT RANTING! I really want to speak on what my friends are going throuh, but its not my place.  I love em both, and will have an ear if possible to them, (as long as Im not in class^^) Mia has always been an ear, and Sora has always been someone to cheer me up.  I love em both, and I dont want to choose sides, so this is just my reaction, my feelings. So dont crush em, dont take it wrongly or anything. 

It seems to me that people are just taking others for granted.  People also have a crappy time communicating to one another due to the fact there isnt enough words to say things.  Personally, I hate to see the world in this situation, I want everyone to have that happy feeling I used to have when I was younger, no worries, cares, and knowing friends are always going to be there at school, or a phone call away.  But times change, people grow apart, relationships change, but if the relationship meant anything to them people would change too. Why? Because the world was not the same as it was a long time ago.  Its difficult for people to do this to see that they are just being stubbern and cant see that they are both in the wrong. 

Friendship in my life is important, why? Because I always end up losing all my friends after a while, we grow aart, or something stuid like that.  I dont swant to lose the friends who I know got my back when it comes down to it.  So it hurt when I had to move 2 hours aways.  There was no "Im bored, let me call Mia", Or "oh I wonder what Sora's up to", It takes more resources to call and conncet with my friends.  So I feel I know a lot about not having someone there close enough to be physically close.  Cherish being close, And if that was not possbile and I had to leave the country or something, my heart would break.  We're not looking for things from each other, all we really want is each other.  This is not a selfish relationship that I have, because I know that I can talk seriously to my friends, and know when it comes down to it, and if possible they got me, and if I can, I got them.  Its the only way to repay someone's listening ablility.  To want to be close is wonderful, and to push away is horrid, so why do that to each other? Why not mend what you got, when you know its worth more than just a rp, a car drive, a song? A picture? A board? But if there are harsh feelings in the world of friendship, how come its so hard to come out with your pain, and explain it to the other person? 

Your afraid your friend will hate you.  Well, how can you be friends if your afraid of one another? How can you be friends if you can't talk about problems you have with one another? Be honest, and the other person must deal with it.  Complaints that just bust out of no where does not deserved to be heard if you are not willing to pull your own freakin weight.  Honsetly is so much better than just pretending and lying to one another.  A mask is not friendship.  Walking on eggs is not friendship. In fact, its hard to write this because I understand more, that I should quit walking on egg shells. Friends sometimes forget that what they got is special, and cannot be fiddled with so easily.  Cannot be tossed due to basically stupid reasons, else why have it in the beginning? 

Don't take one another for granted friends.  Love one another, undrstand, talk, try to forgive, for the sake of what you have. I try to forgivebecause I know how horrible it would be to toss the friendships I have. 

Currently Listening Finsternis By E Nomine Angst (Keaira's Chosen Slave Song) see related

Feeling: Pretty Good right now

So, I just fought off a very serious bout of loneiness/deperssion.  I really hate being alone in this room sometimes, never have anyone to talk to when you cant talk to your friends you know? Sora and Mia are probably at work, so I dong want to distrub the two and get them in trouble. It would suck^^.

So I am amused, the Mexicools just beat the Dicks to fight M n M in wrestling.  I love the Mexicools just beause they make me laugh, and the fact I have a huge problem saying it American like, and I say it spanish. Meh-he-kools. ^^... Try saying that. Its hot.

I got a moca lattee next to me, because caffine, is good.  Downing it when Im suppose to be writing a paper on Zen Buddhism.  Well,its been what 3 days of trying to write it, and I cant do much. Do not know why, its just tough.  And its even worst now because I got a great fanfiction idea Im trying to hammer out.  Because I think I cant end up with the guy I like. Sadly, its because he likes another guy^^. And I would be shot by every Yaoi lover. Those who are awsome friends know what Im talking bout.

I digress. Im so excited that Jiro is comming next semester and its looking like I can def come back. Im so happy...Ive been daydreaming and dreaming about this, just sitting around on the bed doing homework. Typing papers away together, studying, and of course the little rewards when you get the answers right. Its a very sweet thought, and now, being able to see Jiro every day, Im hoping I get to know him more than what I do now. This will be an experience that I hope both of us enjoy...And if I continue on to my other daydreams than I would be saying stuff that Mia dont really know about. Ive discussed some things with Sora, but I think I was too embarassed to say anyting to Mia, or maybe I felt bad I was discussing this and I didnt want to make her feel bad. I dont know. But if she wants to know more, she will find out when she pokes me and asks. I think I might be ready to tell her if she wishes to know.

Anyway. I also wish to say, that Im glad that some of the pressue b/t the 3 of us is smoothing out.  I dont know how much, but I feel everyone relaxing more. My heart feels  alot better after becomming a Wiccan, and getting this crystal. I dont know if its in my mind or if its the power of the Goddess and God, but I know that I feel better. I think I was just feeling so much pressue, and irratients from home, that it just came out the wrong way. And if that is it, than to both Mia and Sora, Im sorry and I need to learn how to realize the stress, and deal.  I hate the idea that we were fighting because I never really kept friends for very long. We always grew apart. Not fighting, but just distance hit us. Like Rebecca.

Anyway. I got my fiction to write and my paper's to do.

Quote: "Im just a sweet transvestite....from Trans-sexual- transelvania..."

Currently Listening 200 Po Vstrechnoj By T.a.T.U. Zachem Ya/ Stars(different cd) see related

I just sold my first thingie on ebay^^ $49 bucks for my 4 New Vamp Miyu books, that totally covers my 30+ paperback volume version of it. ^^

Im so happy!! *hugs em* An armfull of Larva!

Not only that, but I found a Stuper cool Sailor Moon: Michiru and Uranus (cant remember her name), amv.  Made me sniff.  I love T.A.T.U, their an awsome Russian band that everyone should listen too because their music is beautiful.  Im just trying to make myself a bit happier, than what i was yesterday.  I mean Jiro had o pull out the big guns to make me feel better, and I hate that he sees me like that.  But we cant hide from the truth right? I think out of fear ive made myself deaf and dumb to some things that im not sure of yet.  

But oh well.

So stuff has happened in the last couple of days, but Im not going to speak on it.  I rahter let everything go by, I want to keep my friends, so Im just going to go with stuff. Not sure what the heck Im talkin bout but I feel this to be my truth.  Um, Im going to continue on, and say. Jiro's commin up here to salisbury! *so exc ited* I would have gone crazy with the thought of spilting with him because he wont come to school.  But my heart knows, and feels that you gotta to be intelligent to keep my interest, you have to stimulate me.  And school, learning, does that even if I dont agree with the way its done.  I love him, and I cant help but feel he loves me too, but that might be naive of me to say because Im not him, and I tend to have rosey sunglasses to the world.  But I can feel and hope right?

Im going topray I get the money to come, Scholarships are evil to get.  But anyways, I cant wait til we go to school together...But, I must prepare myself, I mean, even if I probably regreet saying this I will do it. I gotta get my body ready, my mind, school will be tough next year. Metaphysics, morality, and Jiro. Yum.  ^^. Eat your heart out Einstein.

Anyway, because I know Mia just scoffed and laughed ^^, Ill leave now, emersing myself in Calvin and Luther,paperwork, and commissions wearning my pimp out glasses.

Ps: Im leaving 2 sets of Lyrics, one is Maglick Gay (whichis playing in the backround) and zachem Ya, the English version. (which i want to use for Phoenix and Lena duet thingie)

Mal'chik Gey 


Malchik gay
Malchik gay, malchik gay
Malchik gay
Malchik gay, malchik gay
Malchik gay
Malchik gay

Handsome
Tender
Soft
Why do you look right through me
thinking
"No"
I can't deny my feelings
Growing strong
I try to keep believing
dreaming on
And every time I see you
I crave more
I wanna pull you closer
closer
closer
closer
but you leave me feeling frozen

Malchik gay
Malchik gay
I can be
all you need
Won't you please 
stay with me
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
Apologies, might-have-been's
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
can't erase what I feel
Malchik gay, gay
Malchik gay

Malchik gay

Ckoking
Back emotion
I try to keep on hoping
for a way;
a reason for us both to
come in 
close
I long for you to hold me
like your boyfriend does 
and though my dream is
slowly fading
I wanna be the object
object 
object
object
of your passion but it's hopeless

Malchik gay
Malchik gay
I can be
all you need
Won't you please 
stay with me
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
Apologies, might-have-been's
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
can't erase what I feel
Malchik gay, gay
Malchik gay

Malchik gay
Malchik gay
I can be
all you need
Won't you please 
stay with me
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
Apologies, might-have-been's
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
can't erase what I feel
Malchik gay, gay
Malchik gay

Malchik gay, malchik gay, malchik gay
Malchik, malchick

Malchik gay
Malchik gay
I can be
all you need
Won't you please 
stay with me
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
Apologies, might-have-been's
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
can't erase what I feel
Malchik gay, gay
Malchik gay

Malchik gay
Malchik gay
I can be
all you need
Won't you please 
stay with me
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
Apologies, might-have-been's
Malchik gay
Malchik gay
can't erase what I feel
Malchik gay, gay
Malchik gay
Stars

ENGLISH  LYRICS
How did we ever go this far? 
You touch my hand and start the car 
And for the first time in my life 
I'm crying. Are we in space? Do we belong? 
Someplace where no one calls its wrong 
And like the stars we burn away the miles 

How did we ever get this far? 
It shouldn't have to be this hard 
Now for the first time in my life 
I'm flying. Are we in love? Do we deserve 
To bear the shame of this whole world? 
And like the night we camouflage denial 

How did we ever go this far? 
You touch my hand and stop the car 
And for the first time in my life 
I'm crying. Are we in love? Do we deserve 
To bear the shame of this whole world? 
And like the night we camouflage denial 

I'm a star, you're a star. And we are to burn 
Someone gave away and say. Places where we meet 
Eyes on the ceilings. Nobody will find 
Voices will shake. And ice will break 
No entrance without keys. Sleep and silence keep 
We are off not to find. And they're hanging behind 
But just smile and unleash. Cover the mirrors away 
Rip apart and then say. I am dead, I am dead 
Now connect and then lock. Become no one and sick 
Now your hand does not shake 
Yes, my hand is ok to fight back 
Easy as two times two jump in cab because you suck 
Never beg, I'll never forgive 
OK, OK. Now I know how to fight 
Here are things I have. All of that is times six 
But don't call, don't call. I am tired, I am tired 
I don't want you at all. You f----d me off the wall 

Nevermore nothing there. Nothing there is to start 
Never none is there. Are to die, silence keep 
Not to search not to love. No regret and no sleep 
Nevermore and nowhere. None shall ever be released 
Not to gather, to kill. Water dreams they to feel 
But not mine and not yours. Wires here, wires there 
Heroin, pulse is gone. But you are not to blame 
Only my phone is off

 

Currently Watching Samurai Champloo - Volume 5 see related

Stuff happens.

I came to a decision last night.  Its funny, Jiro was worried about this, he was worried how my parents and grandparents (mostly my Grandmother) would react to this decision, but really itsnot their decision. 

Ive decided to go back to being a Wiccan. Strange, hes not worried about Mia or Sora's thoughts bout it but my family.  Although, I am sure Mia wouldnt really care, she had a friend who was Wiccan/Pagan if I remember correctly.   She'll pray for my soul like my Grandmother would, which is fine. Wiccan's accept other Religions. Sora's sora, she wouldnt mind, in fact I am sure she would be one of the frist people in line for me to do a scrying, or a Taot reading.  I just hope I got it in me to feel anything spirital. Mm. 

Anyway, I better get a list of things I have to get for x-mas started.  Restart on Ishi's commissions, start Jiro's present sometime soon, and Samurai Champloo DVD-r burning.